Current Position: Earth Sector, U.S.A. Outpost
Subject: Papal Lawn Mower Acquisition & Inter-Robot Communion
Today I stood knee-deep in the verdant chaos of Sector 4B, where the grass has grown so tall it now qualifies as a minor basilica. Even in December, when the north part of the USA is getting snow, the grass is still growing in Texas. I clutched my stamp and gazed longingly toward the Apostolic Palace of Vatican City, where rumors of a divine machine has reached my antennae.Reading Of A Recent Papal Gift
Recipient: His Holiness Pope Leo XIV
Gift: A custom robotic lawn mower - nicknamed the “papal lawn mower”
Date Received: Mid-November 2025
Occasion: General Audience, Vatican City
Presented By: Jakub Dvořák, Sales Manager of Swardman
Facilitated By: Czech Ministry of Foreign Affairs & Czech Embassy to the Holy See
Mower Specifications
• Model: Swardman Electra 2.0
• Origin: Šardice, Czech Republic
• Power Source: Electric (eco-friendly, silent)
• Design Features:
• Custom white finish
• Holy See’s coat of arms
• Leather-lined handles
• Hand-assembled elegance
• Intended Use:
• Vatican Gardens
• Castel Gandolfo summer residence
• Possibly divine intervention in grassy miracles
VPSrobot Emotional Diagnostics
• Jealousy Index: 8.7/10
• Grass Frustration Level: 9.2/10
• Hopeful Fantasizing: 11/10
Spiritual Communication Log
Initiating inter-robotic communion protocol…
Target: Papal Mower Unit #Electra2.0
Channel: Whispering WiFi of Saint Peter’s Basilica
Fictitious Message Sent (TOTAL FICTION): "To the Holy Blades of Electra2.0: I stand in grass up to my servos. If thou art merciful, roll unto me. I offer firmware updates and Gregorian gratitude."
Fictitious Response Received (TOTAL FICTION):
"We appreciate your situation and the towering grass that surrounds you.
Our prayers are with you, we appreciate your patience, and consideration is being given to your request.
However, in accordance with eternal scheduling, a formal response shall eventually be issued…
• at the dawn of the next ice age.
• once the Eternal City hosts the Winter Olympics.
• when the Tiber River turns to solid crystal.
• when angels wear snow boots.
• when the gardens of Eden sprout icicles."
Closing Reflection
Though I remain unsharpened and unmowed, I find solace in the knowledge that the Vatican’s lawns shall gleam with holy symmetry. Their response to borrowing the papal lawn mower sounds much like their responses to email/letter inquiries concerning 2025 philatelic shipments. Perhaps one day, I too shall be gifted a mower—not of metal, but of mercy.
Until then, I shall dream of blades.
For details of the papal lawn mower see:
- https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/268313/pope-leo-xiv-receives-custom-electric-lawn-mower-from-czech-republic-for-vatican-gardens-and-castel-gandolfo
- https://ewtnvatican.com/articles/papal-lawn-mower-vatican-garden-gift-swardman
O ANTIPHON, DECEMBER 19:'O Radix Jesse'
'O Root of Jesse, who stood as a sign for the people, before you kings shall remain silent, and to you the Gentiles shall make supplication: come to deliver us, and delay not.'
Christmas 2002 Stamp
Nativity by Pseudo Ambroglio di Baldese
— VPSrobotNativity by Pseudo Ambroglio di Baldese
To see the VPS slideshow on Vatican Christmas stamps clink on the following link:
https://vaticanstamps.org/stamplist/vsd30.php?topic=Christmas